Chapter 16...more uh oh

[tempered-rose.livejournal.com]

Title: The Eternal Heartache, Chapter 16 of ???
Pairings (this bit): Pep Guardiola/Raul Gonzalez implied, Bojan Krkic, Cesc Fabregas/Iker Casillas implied
Rating: PG-13
Words: this part is 2,257 ; total words: 44,170 (aka 88%)
A/N: Thanks to everybody who is reading this and commenting and thanks to those of you who are just reading it. I REALLY appreciate that and you guys rule and I love all of you very much. *squishes all of you* This chapter {and the rest of the story really} is dedicated to the EXTREMELY wonderful melj1213 without whom, I would have been very bored lol Happy Thanksgiving to those of you celebrating and happy Thursday to those of you that aren’t. <3 Erm…oh yeah, I embedded another song that you should listen to while reading this, it really helps and yes, I’m going to be making the ‘extended edition’ soundtrack eventually. There’s a whole lot of music that is involved in this and well, anyway, chapter is next lol *hugs all of you guys* Thanks for sticking with me!




Last part here. All previous parts listed here.

Pep stared at a place on the wall in his office as the pen in his hand moved from the writing position to be turned with the tip up. He kept repeating the circle over and over again, unknowing of what it was he was doing. His mind replayed the scene in Raul’s kitchen over and over and over again; each touch, every look, and every single one of the damning words penetrated his thoughts. Every time he would go to recount one of the memories that they had had together, another sentence or another look would infiltrate the moment and ruin it by ripping the fragile loving importance to shreds.

He wanted to know why after spending over two decades of knowing each other and falling for each other that it had to end now, here, and like this. He knew that he had overreacted but had this moment not been coming for quite some time? Raul had said three days prior that he thought they should take a break, did that mean running away from him and into another man’s arms? Another man who, at one time, had been the sun that had held Raul’s universe in balance.

Pep had never taken to Jose Maria Gutierrez, now it seemed that his insecurities and annoyances towards the blonde were well founded. After all, it had been Pep that had broken Guti and Raul up despite the brunette’s assurances that that had not been the case. They had been mere children then, Raul had been Cesc’s age now, when they had first met. It had taken five years and the strength of a well-founded friendship for anything romantic to start. Once it had, it had become a wildfire: burning insatiably and frantically out of control.

Was it truly over now? If Pep dared pick up the phone and beg forgiveness like he had had to do a few times in the past, would Raul forgive him this time? Would they hold each other and make everything the way it had been before? Pep didn’t know and it ate at him from the inside out.


Bojan had woken up to Pep’s storming tirade and had been very afraid for the first time since he had arrived. If Pep got mad, would he hit him? And where was Cesc anyway? Bojan had hidden himself under his bed and had tried to not make a sound as he heard Pep yell, curse, and break something downstairs. By the time his uncle’s tirade had quietened, Bojan had prayed to every saint he could think of that Pep wouldn’t come upstairs and hurt him. Bojan had never heard or seen his Uncle this mad before and it scared him deeply. The fact that Cesc wasn’t here to tell him it was going to be okay made it all that much worse.

When Cesc entered the house five and a half hours after he had left it, he was greeted with an eerie silence. The schedule Pep had told him the night before (yes he would indeed be home when Cesc got back, even if it was late into the night) repeated inside his mind like a song that fits itself inside your mind. The fact that the townhouse was silent and that Bojan and his Uncle were nowhere to be found, had Cesc’s veins flooding over with panic.

He walked further into the house, looking around for a sign of Bojan or Pep. Neither one of them were downstairs so Cesc climbed the stairs, praying that nothing bad had happened. Cesc looked inside their bedroom and saw that the bed was not made and Bojan was not in sight. Cesc swallowed thickly and made to turn to go down the hall when a noise had him scanning the room again.

“Bojan?” Cesc whispered fearfully.

“C-Cesc?” The voice is small and strained and Cesc is at once back in the room looking for Bojan.

“Bojan where are you?” Cesc asks again as he starts for the closet. A small noise comes from underneath Bojan’s bed and a second later the boy’s head pops out. Cesc sees the tear stains and at once feels guilty. Cesc’s knees fold beneath him as he hugs Bojan tightly. “What happened?”

Bojan cries, relieved that Cesc is here now. “I-I don’t know. I-I was asleep and w-woke up t-to Pep yelling and throwing things. I-I don’t know what happened and you w-weren’t here so I-I—” Bojan’s speech is interrupted by a multitude of tears and Cesc holds onto his brother tightly.

Guilt floods him like poison. He had been gone when Bojan needed him; he couldn’t drown out the guilt in his mind and heart. As Bojan clung to his shirt and cried, Cesc had to force himself to not be sick.

“Where were you?” Bojan asks wiping a few of his tears away.

Cesc feels his gut lurch and he shakes his head. “Not where I should have been. I’m so sorry Bojan.”

Bojan crawls into Cesc’s lap and hugs him as they both lean back onto Bojan’s bed. Cesc holds Bojan tightly, grateful that Iker had let him clean up at his place before returning him home.

“Cesc, you’ve protected me for years.” Bojan starts quietly. “It was weird not having you here now. But I-I really don’t think Pep would have done anything.”

“Then why did you hide?” Cesc asks taking comfort in the fact that Bojan was seemingly unharmed.

“Precaution.” Bojan admits shyly. “He’s in his office. If you want to go— I would but um…”

“No, you won’t. If he does do anything, it will be to me and not to you.” Cesc replies sternly. “Stay here.” Cesc kisses Bojan’s forehead and gets up awkwardly as a pain shoots up his spine. He hisses slightly but covers it up as best he can. Iker had not been lying when he said that it would hurt.

Cesc enters the hallway and quietly moves down to Pep’s office door. He doesn’t hear anything at all, not even the sound of the laptop keyboard keys moving. Worried, Cesc hesitates only a moment outside before pushing open the door. He sees a shattered picture frame on the floor as well as a few broken vases. The fragments of glass are not what bother him; the man staring at the wall as if it were the solution to all his problems is what concerns him.

“P-Pep?” Cesc asks quietly and he does not get a response from his Uncle. He inches forward in the room so that he is standing closer to the chair that Pep is sitting in. Cesc clears his throat and tries again. “Pep?”

His uncle blinks from the wall and seems to refocus on his surroundings. Cesc wonders just how long Pep was sitting in that chair like that. “C-Cesc?” Pep clears his throat for having not used it for so long. “Cesc, what are you doing back so soon?”

“Pep, it’s almost six…” Cesc starts, worried. “What happened?”

Pep blinks at his nephew. Surely it had not only been two hours since he had walked in on Raul and Guti…? “S-six?”

“Yeah…” Cesc’s forehead creases in concern. “What happened?”

Pep shakes his head and clears his throat. His senses start coming back to him and pull him out of the nightmare of his own creation. His arms and legs flood with pins and needles after being locked in the same position for so long; his throat is in desperate need of something cool to run down it and loosen it up. His head swam with newly discovered headache.

“Noth-nothing.” Pep cleared his throat and looked at Cesc with a completely blank expression. “Nothing.”

“Something must have happened. Bojan said you had a fit.” Cesc asks, worry and concern interweaving into his words.

“I am sorry for that. I acted like a child.” Pep apologizes and looks regretful. Of hurting Bojan’s feelings or something else, Cesc isn’t quite sure. Pep seemed to fully regain control of his faculties as he stood up. “I would like to apologize to Bojan. I must have frightened him.”

“Scared the shit out of him is more like it…” Cesc replies still confused at what really happened.

Pep grimaces. “I’m sorry. I was…not feeling very well.”

Cesc blocks his Uncle’s escape and looks questioningly at him. “Pep, I know that we don’t know each other very well but when Bojan or I am hurting, we talk about it. I don’t know if you like doing that or not, but you don’t look too good, so something awful must have happened.”

Pep gives Cesc a level look. The boy was truly concerned, that was something Pep was pleased to see despite the situation. He sighed and ran a hand over his face. He was very tired and wanted this day to end as soon as possible.

“Raul and I had a fight.” Pep confesses to the ceiling and Cesc stares at his uncle completely shocked. “It…was pretty nasty,” Pep heaves a large sigh that seems to come from more than just his lungs, but from his soul as well. “I…said things that shouldn’t ever have been said.”

Cesc takes a step forward as his mind reels with the new information. He felt awful for the two men who clearly loved each other. “But, Raul knows that you were just mad, right? He can give you time to cool off and then you guys can talk it out, right?”

Pep shakes his head sadly, eyes echoing the forlornness. His voice is extremely low and sad when he speaks. “I don’t think so Cesc. Not this time.”

Cesc steps forward and hugs Pep tightly. “I am so so sorry Pep.”

Pep shakes his head and hugs his nephew back. “There is nothing you could have done. None of this is your fault. It is mine.”

Cesc hugs his uncle tighter. He knows what it is like to loose something precious, in his case the innocence of youth, and want it to come back at all cost. He also knew that no matter how much you hoped for something, it couldn’t always be fixed or made to be the way you wanted it.

Pep was moved at Cesc’s concern and patted his head. “Well, I should apologize to your brother. I did not mean to frighten him as I undoubtedly did.”

Cesc nods and releases Pep. “I think that is a good idea.”

Pep makes a sound of agreement and puts his hand on Cesc’s shoulder as they both walk down the hallway. He knocks on the door “Bojan? May I come in?”

A scuffling is heard before a little ‘uh-huh’ come from the other side of the door. Pep opens the door and walks in to see Bojan adjusting his shirt. Both Pep and Cesc notice and appreciate the little Barcelona logo embroidered over where Bojan’s heart was.

“I’m sorry Bojan if I frightened you.” Pep speaks immediately. “It was not my intention. I, well, I wasn’t thinking clearly and well, to be frankly honest I had a shitty day and completely forgot you were asleep.”

Pep looks down equally embarrassed and ashamed. Bojan feels relieved that he was not in trouble and then he notices how tired and weary Pep really is.

“It’s okay.” Bojan speaks before walking closer to his uncle and his brother. “Is everything okay now?”

Cesc recognizes the timid tone and the body language that Bojan does when he wants to feel small and hide away from the things that are bothering him. Cesc steps closer and hugs him tightly.

“It will be.” Pep says before he sighs once again. He runs a shaky hand through his hair. “Are you boys hungry? You probably are…I would think.”

Bojan’s stomach growls and reminds him that he hasn’t eaten since the pizza shared with Leo last night. “I’m starving.”

Cesc nods in agreement. He and Iker had been so, busy, that they had not eaten. Around four thirty, Iker had made sure that Cesc was getting cleaned up so that he could be returned home virtually unharmed, apart from the soreness in his legs and butt. Cesc felt his face heat up when he thought about that afternoon and looked at the floor.

“What do you want to eat from takeaway? I guess we are going to have to work something out with dinner, now.” Pep’s voice breaks slightly at the end of his sentence but hides it by turning to leave the boys’ room.

Cesc feels sympathy rise inside of his heart and shakes his head at Bojan when the boy starts to ask. “Tell you later.” Cesc whispers and Bojan nods signaling that he understood that he was not to bring it up for a while.

“Um, Bojan and I are okay with making our own sandwiches. If that’s okay…?” Cesc replies as they start down the stairs after their uncle.

“That’s more than fine.” Pep says with a fake tone in his voice. “That’s perfect.”

Cesc hears the hollowness in Pep’s voice and wonders how long it will be before Pep sounds like he used too, when Raul was still around. Things really couldn’t be irreparable. It was Pep and Raul, they loved each other entirely too much for a little fight to get into the way, Cesc thought. Anybody could see that they loved each other. No matter what Pep had said to the other man, Cesc was sure that it could be fixed.