Something I Can't Fight, Part 2/2

[tempered-rose.livejournal.com]

Title: Something I Can’t Fight, Part One of Two
Pairing: Iker Casillas / OFC; Clint Dempsey; Villa, Cesc, Pepe
Rating: R for language
Disclaimer: When I say ‘me’ I mean a fictionalized version of me. So therefore nobody is confused. Hell, if I was Iker’s girlfriend I would NOT be writing about it, I’d be doing it ;-)
Prompt: 072. Fixed
A/N: Based during the pre-, during, and post- Spain/United States match in the Confederation Cup on Wednesday, June 24, 2009. It’s based on several pictures also, most importantly, though, is this one. The title and lyrics come from the song, Lost by Red.

~~ Just a note, -- indicates a page break and --+-- indicates a point of view change ~~



I’m lost in you everywhere I run
Everywhere I turn I’m finding something new
Lost in you, Something I can’t fight
I cannot escape, I can spend my life
Lost in you

I watched in silent amazement as the American, Altidore, scored on me. Well, I let in a goal. It wasn’t that bad, it was still very early in the match. And with Villa and Cesc and Fernando upfront, we should put the Americans to bed with a bedtime story included.

I watched as the Americans kept rushing us, kept pushing us to be on guard, especially me. They didn’t stop. Despite Carles and Sergio and Gerard’s best efforts, they kept coming closer and closer.

When the ball moved past me and hit the net, I reacted. It was over. I had failed. The only thing that made it worse was the fact that Dempsey was the one that had to score the second. Despite what she said, I still had my doubts about her and Dempsey. Ka-lint is what she called him when she let her drawl run unchecked.

I got up slower this time, heavier, and watched for the rest of the match as my team wilted under the pressure. Is this what I had done to them? Had I forced them into winning so demandingly that they wilt now to a contender that shouldn’t be that good?

Yes. I had.

I had seen the Confederation Cup shining brighter amongst our growing collection. I had only kept my eyes on it instead of where my feet were going. I’d tripped just short of the finish line.

This was all my fault.

--+--

I confess that I was too happy for Clint and for the rest of the American team to see them. Besides, they were coming off the pitch second anyway. I made sure that I was where they came off the field so I could see Clint.

When they came in, they were loud and excited. I couldn’t blame them. It wasn’t everyday the under dogs beat the number one team. I was only expecting a smile from Clint when he saw me. I wasn’t expecting him to pick me up and squeeze the breath from me.

“Clint…can’t…breathe…” I gasped for laughing with him.

“We won Sarah, we won!” He squeezed me again and we both laughed.

I had my arms wrapped around his neck as he had me lifted high off the ground. “I know, I saw. I’m very proud of you, all of you.”

I hugged him again; we were both too happy to stop. The sound of heavy footsteps grew louder behind us.

“Clint, let go of your girlfriend long enough to shower. Then you can have all night.” The captain said teasingly.

Clint just rolled his eyes as he set me down. “Remember in college when we beat Clemson?”

“Who could forget? The party afterwards was…oh no. Don’t tell me, y’all are havin’ another bigass party aren’t ya?” I eyed the team carefully.

“Ohhh yeah.” Clint winked and then looked behind me with a sudden serious look.

I glanced over my shoulder and my face too turned grave. Iker was staring at us, staring at where Clint’s hands rested comfortably on my hips and my hands rested on his shoulders. Oops.

“Iker…”

“Don’t. Just…don’t.” He started down the corridor to the locker rooms and I swear my heart was in my throat.

“Iker wait!” I started after him dodging various la Seleccion members.

“No!” He turned on me, rage intact. Villa stopped as did Cesc to watch the two of us carefully, ready to intervene if necessary. “I won’t wait for someone who is cheating on me!”

“What?! Are you crazy?!” Smooth move Sarah. “I’m not, don’t be absurd.”

“Please, you seemed so happy with him a minute ago.” Iker started walking away again. Cesc moved to stop me but I brushed past him. I could be very annoying when I wanted to be.

“Well, hello, do I have to remind you that my country just won? He plays for my country. Of course I’m going to be happy.” We were almost at the Spaniard’s locker room. I couldn’t argue with him in there.

“No, you don’t have to remind me.” He said through gritted teeth. He stopped suddenly and looked at me with black eyes. I took a step back in fear as he spoke in a very low voice, “take your happiness and have it. Just leave me alone.”

Shock rooted me to the ground as he walked into the locker room. He never talked to me like that. Ever. Cesc just gave me a one-armed hug and walked past me. Villa smiled sadly and shook his head.

It suddenly felt like the corridor was too small and I was too big. I had to get out; I needed air. Tears burned my throat as I walked quickly back to the exit.

“Sarah! Wait up!” It was Clint’s voice but I didn’t stop. All I knew was I had to get out and fast.

I didn’t know where I was going or where I would stop but when I regained my senses, I was sitting in the empty stadium staring at the field. A million thoughts were swimming in my head and it felt like I couldn’t focus on anything.

My phone had vibrated a hundred times in my pocket but I didn’t look to see who it was. It was most likely Clint asking me where I’d gone. I felt bad for that, I shouldn’t take away from his celebrations.

The victory now felt hallow, it felt callous. I knew going into this match that I would be torn. Of course then, I’d never expected the United States to actually win. I had given them a draw at best. I know it sounds bad, but let’s face it, this was Spain. Spain didn’t loose.

Until now.

--+--

“Why won’t she answer?!” I was this close to throwing my phone at the wall.

“Well maybe she doesn’t want to speak to you right now.” Villa said unhelpfully.

“It could be because you, I don’t know, yelled at her.” That was Cesc.

“She could be out partying and just not hear and or feel it.” The glare I gave to Sergio made him shrink. “Well, it could happen…”

Pepe smacked Sergio upside the head. “Not helpful Ramos.” Then Pepe looked at me. “Just give her a while to cool down.”

“But I want her now!” I sounded like a child who didn’t get a favorite toy. I sank down onto the bench and stared at my feet. Why did I have to fuck this up?

“You guys are sharing a room, she’ll have to be back at some point to go to sleep.” Pepe said after holding my shoulder for a second.

“Yeah! Unless she and—” Cesc looked mortified that he had spoken at all.

“Have you younger kids taken stupid pills or something? Shut up!” Pepe glared at all of them for me. “Iker, she’s not like that.”

“I know.” I said in a small voice. “But I accused her of it, didn’t I?”

Pepe didn’t have words for that, so he just squeezed my shoulder again. “Come on Iker, let’s get out of here.”

I went through the motions as best I could. After all, I was the Captain. I had to act responsibly. I did a few interviews on autopilot. It felt weird having to be the respectful losers instead of the boisterous winners. The press had sympathy for me and let me off easier than usual. For that, I was grateful.

As we walked past the American’s locker room, we could hear the noise coming from inside. They were rowdy and loud and undoubtedly high off victory. I saw the looks on the my boy’s faces. It was why I ushered them past the door as quickly as possible.

I felt a weight in my stomach about the loss now. Earlier, it had consumed me but after that cool shower, the realization of what I’d done, of what I’d said, hit me hard and it twisted my gut. There wasn’t anything I could do about the loss now, it had happened. But there was something I could do about making things right with Sarah. If only I could find her.

“Señor Casillas…can I speak to you for a minute?”

I recognized that voice. It was deep and it had a distinctive drawl like Sarah’s.

“Si. What is it?” I asked facing the man I’d accused of sleeping with my girlfriend.

Dempsey was still wearing his uniform and I had never disliked the color white so much in my life. We walked over to the wall, it was as much privacy as we could get in the hallway.

“Look, I don’t know why you think that Sarah and I are you know ‘together’, but we’re not. We never have been. We’re just really good friends is all.” He looked so honest about it.

“I think I knew all along.” I confess to him. “I was just…” I sigh.

“Jealous?”

“Si.”

“Well, you’re not the first man to ever be jealous over a woman. Something tells me you won’t be the last.” He smiles and offers his hand. “Truce?”

I look down at his hand and back up at him. Then I grab his hand and shake. “Truce.”

“San Iker, we need to go!” Sergio called from the doorway.

“Good luck in the final.”

“Thanks.” He smiles and as I turn and start for the door.

--+--

My teeth were starting to chatter. As a Texan, we never really did do cold well. I stood up and started out of the row. The stadium was empty so every footstep seemed to echo.

My phone had finally quit buzzing a while ago. Apparently Clint took the message and quit trying. I was freezing at this point. I just hoped the taxi that I would have to take would be warmer.

I groaned at that thought. Where was I going to sleep tonight?

There was no way Iker would let me stay there anymore. My eyes filled again and I blinked back the tears. Crying wouldn’t solve anything anymore. I finally managed to get to the street through the mazes of hallways and corridors. I hailed a taxi as I was working out a plan in my head.

Maybe if I begged him, he’d let me stay there tonight. I doubted it, but hell, it was worth a shot wasn’t it?

--+--

By the time we’d gotten back to the hotel, it was pretty late. I was tired, emotionally and physically, and just wanted to be alone now. I rode up in the elevator silently with Silva and Fernando.

The walk down to my room was just as quiet. I wasn’t in the mood but neither were the other boys. I opened the door and threw the key on the table. I sighed at the quiet and then headed to the mini-bar. I needed a drink.

Drink in hand, I walked into the bedroom. A habit I had after a loss with Real Madrid would be to curl up with Sarah and just lie there. She always smelled so good and she was soft. This time though, I was on my own.

I stopped in the door and my heart tripped.

Earlier, where there had been clothes lying on the floor, now there was nothing. Where the picture of us together was on the nightstand, now there was nothing. The bed was made and I found the picture there, on top of a note.

I set the glass down and picked up the note with shaking fingers. It was folded in half and on the outside there was my name with a line under it. I was afraid. Was this finally it? Was it over?

I opened it and sank onto the bed to read it.

‘Iker—

I’m sorry that y’all lost, even if you don’t believe me, I really am so sorry. I didn’t want y’all to loose. Having said that, I figure the last person on the planet you want to see or hear from now is me. So I’m going to do you a favor and I’m going to leave. I hope that when you’ve cooled down enough we can talk but, right now I know that you’re upset.

I really do love you Iker. I just hope you know that.

See you in Madrid,

Sarah’

The note fell out of my hands after I finished reading it. She was gone because of me. Why did I have to be so damn stupid? Why?

--

Soft lips brush against mine and it’s enough to wake me. There’s a crick in my neck but I guess that’s what I get for sleeping at an awkward angle in a pool chair. I blink my eyes open partially and I pull her down on top of me and squeeze her when I notice who it is.

“’m happy to see you too.” She laughed.

“God querida, I’m so sorry.” I kiss every inch of skin I can find that belongs to her.

“Shhh, don’t worry about it now. I’m here now.” I situate her more comfortably in my lap and kiss her again.

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I shouldn’t have accused you of cheating. I know you wouldn’t do that, you’re too loyal. I’m sorry for everything.”

“Iker, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere now.” She kisses me again and I hold her close. I’d missed this in the last two weeks more than even I knew.

“If I’m ever rude to you again…”

“Then I know you’ll be back to normal.” Sarah winked at me and sighed happily. “However, we do have one little problem.”

I stopped smiling. “What’s that?”

She looked down and I did too. Oh. “I’ll just go get the aloe vera. Something tells me you’re going to need all the help you can get…”

She got up and I got up slowly to go after her. I heard her laughing inside the house, she wasn’t even trying to hide it.

“Stop laughing, it’s not funny.” I head for the bathroom.

“You’re right,” She says still laughing. “It’s downright hysterical. Everybody knows you don’t go to sleep in the sun.”

Well…what’s a little love without suffering, right?