Iker/Cesc: I Will Fall For You
May. 11th, 2009 11:41 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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tr_ficTitle: I Will Fall For You
Pairing: Iker Casillas / Cesc Fabregas
Rating: PG-13 {language, sexual references}
Word Count: 1,879
A/N: This song has been in my head all day and I wanted to write a fic anyway so…I hope you guys like this. The song is Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade.
Cesc clung to the warm body that he was wrapped around just a little bit tighter. Iker was still asleep but he was not, he had not slept that night. He was too busy thinking of what he was going to do—of what Iker had done—to put his mind to bed.
He hung onto Iker because it would be the last time that Cesc would ever be this close to him. It would be the last time Cesc would ever cuddle naked next to Iker and have the keeper’s scent on him. No more warmth or raw passion to be exchanged.
Tears rose in Cesc’s eyes as he thought of what he was going to leave behind. All those looks sent across the practice fields or the pitches of Europe would not happen anymore. Those lazy mornings when Iker would make breakfast and wake Cesc with a kiss would disappear. Not to mention sex every and any where would no longer be on hand.
He had known going into this relationship that Iker was not entirely available. But Cesc had wanted him and pushed, undoubtedly too hard, until Iker had come to him drunk, after David had left him, and had bedded Cesc that night. It wasn’t the firework extravaganza that Cesc had so naively thought it would be. It was rough and quick; Iker tasted like Beckham and he had called out the Englishman’s name when he’d come. Iker had pulled out of Cesc and lay on his back, quickly falling into a drunken sleep. Cesc listened to the snoring from Iker as he silently cried into his pillow.
Cesc had cried many lonely nights when he thought about what his options were when it came to Iker. After that first night, he knew that he could continue to pursue Iker when he knew that Beckham would always have first place in his heart, or he could withdraw and move on. While common sense spoke the latter, his naïve heart did the former.
Iker continued to sleep with Beckham right up until the Englishman left. Cesc had watched his hero fall to pieces as the Englishman seemingly went on with his life unfazed. And Cesc had been there to pick up the shattered bits that had been Iker Casillas.
Cesc noticed with great happiness that Iker had come to rely on him. Iker called him regularly and sent him presents. He came for visits when there wasn’t a call up. He made breakfast, lunch, and dinner and even took Cesc out. He acted like the perfect boyfriend that was seemingly in love with his younger lover.
But Cesc knew that Iker’s heart was not always there for him. He tried certainly, and almost succeeded, but no matter what Cesc did or how hard he tried, Iker still loved the ghost of David Beckham more than Cesc’s flesh and blood.
It was for that terrible reason that Cesc was going to leave him. After spending several years of living in a shadow, Cesc couldn’t handle it anymore. He had already packed his things away and arranged to room for the rest of the night with Fernando and Xabi. In the morning, Iker would wake alone and Cesc would have to re-learn how to function without his hero. For the hour he remained after Iker was asleep, Cesc committed the smells and sounds and the sensations of sleeping right next to Iker.
Cesc swallowed stiffly and then got up slowly. He blinked back his tears as he redressed and grabbed his bag. He had longed so badly to be with Iker for so long that he never imagined it would come to this. And now that it had, he was afraid.
Cesc walked to the door and took one last long look at the sleeping body. Then he opened the door and walked into the hallway, shutting the door softly behind him.
In the weeks after Cesc had left, he had dodged calls from Iker constantly. Each time the phone buzzed in his pocket, Cesc had thought it was one more nail in the coffin of his heart. He had wondered a thousand times if this was how Iker had felt after Beckham had left. Then he would remember the similarities and he would force himself into activity that left him too exhausted to think or do anything but sleep dreamlessly.
It wasn’t until two months after, that Cesc’s laborious routine was interrupted.
He had practiced and then trained for another two hours. He flirted with the line of exhaustion before stumbling into the showers. After he cleaned up, he made his way home. It was dusk when he was almost at the door of his building. A figure leaning against the wall suddenly came to attention. Cesc would have ignored him had not the figure called his name.
Cesc focused on Iker’s familiar build and his heart that had been buried for so long suddenly had a stirring of life in its dusty veins. Iker had not changed save more scruff and a few dark circles under his piercing eyes.
“I called…” He started nervously with his hands in his pockets. He looked nervous and anxious, Cesc decided while looking at him.
“I know.” Cesc opened the door and started to go in.
“Cesc…can I…can I come in?” Iker asked shakily as if he was somewhat amused and scared of having to ask.
Cesc slumped his shoulders and heaved a sigh. “Why not?”
He let Iker let himself in as he continued up to his flat. He was tired, emotionally and physically. The months of not relaxing and eating properly, not living properly, were catching up with him.
When Cesc arrived inside his apartment accompanied by Iker, the younger Spaniard went to eat a few crackers. He was uncomfortably aware of Iker’s eyes on him the whole time that he nibbled on the crackers.
“Are you going to talk to me?” Iker asked finally.
Cesc shook his head and went to get a glass of milk.
“Cesc…” Iker started but stopped. “Cesc, please…”
Cesc spared a glance over his shoulder and saw longing amongst confusion and pain in Iker’s eyes. Cesc swallowed and stood up straight, despite his fatigue.
“What do you want Iker?” Cesc’s voice was heavy with lack of use for such a long time.
Iker stared at his hands for a minute before he looked up. In a voice that broke a thousand angel’s hearts, he spoke. “What did I do? Why won’t you talk to me? I want to know, no, I need to know what I did. Cesc please…I can’t loose you…”
Cesc laughed almost hysterically at that. “Loose me? You never had me Iker!”
He watched the older Spaniard swallow heavily. “W-what do you mean?”
Cesc gaped at him. “Are you serious? Do you know what you did to me? For years Iker I had to deal with being second to a memory. You never wanted me enough to have me Iker!”
The years of frustrations came out and suddenly he was angry. He was angry with Iker, with David Bloody Beckham, and with himself.
“I—I didn’t know you felt that way…” Iker mumbled thickly and looked at his hands again.
The fight suddenly went out of Cesc when he noticed the tension in Iker’s shoulders. He observed him more closely and noticed the way that Iker was struggling for control. It was as if he was trying desperately not to cry.
Cesc felt his heart constrict painfully in a helix of complex rotations. He couldn’t let the man cry but he wasn’t sure he could hug him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He wasn’t sure if it would be.
“Iker…its better this way.” Cesc tried to relieve some of the pain.
“It is?” Iker’s voice was so small that Cesc’s heart twisted again.
Iker looked up and Cesc took a step back at the raw emotion he saw in those eyes. He saw the haunted look choked by guilt and sorrow. He was afraid of that look; he needed to look away. He needed to see anything but that look but he could not tear himself away.
“Cesc, I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t, you have to believe that.” Iker started. Cesc nodded once. He believed that. “When David left, I was a mess.”
“I don’t need to hear this.” Cesc said, forcing himself to turn his back on Iker. He wrapped his arms around himself as he stared at the floor.
“Yes Cesc, you do.” Iker said in a much stronger voice than what he had had in the past few minutes. “I thought I would never be whole again after that Cesc. But then there was this annoying brat that wouldn’t leave me alone.”
Cesc smiled despite himself.
“I didn’t know it at the time,” Iker continued. “But that annoying brat would become the greatest fucking love of my life. I loved everything about him. From his smiles, to his pranks. Hell, I even like the fact that he hogs the bedcovers.”
Cesc heard Iker stand up from where he’d been sitting on the arm of the couch.
“Then one morning he was gone. No note, wouldn’t answer any phone calls. He just disappeared. My heart broke into a million pieces Cesc. It was so much worse than David because I realized that I loved you more than I ever loved him. Then you’d just disappeared. I love…I love, I love you Cesc. I love you so much I can’t stand that you don’t talk to me. I can’t take it! I can’t. I can’t.”
Iker’s voice had started strong and by the end he’d faded into a teary mess. Cesc turned around and everything faded. The pain, the exhaustion. Nothing mattered but Iker and he was hurting.
Cesc took the ten steps necessary to reach Iker and then he took the longest leap and touched him. A single touch was the spark necessary to ignite the dormant fire that had flowed between them for so long.
Iker held onto Cesc as if his life depended on it, and it very much did. Cesc pulled Iker onto the couch and they just sat for minutes, hours, or quite possibly days. Cesc knew nothing mattered so long as Iker’s heart would be sewn back together.
“I’m sorry Cesc, I’m so sorry.” Iker sobbed.
Cesc lifted Iker’s head and as the older Spaniard looked on, Cesc leaned in and kissed away the tears that Iker had cried. After the salty water drops were gone, Cesc brushed his mouth against Iker’s. Iker pulled Cesc on top of him and the two groaned at the contact. It had been far, far too long.
“Bedroom?” Iker growled hoarsely after they had kissed the air from each other’s lungs.
Cesc motioned behind him and Iker picked him up as if he were a feather and carried him. He paused at the door of Cesc’s room and their eyes stared into each other’s. Cesc knew the unspoken question that Iker needed answered.
The Catalan leaned in and kissed him gently before brushing his lips by his ear.
“All is forgiven.” Cesc whispered and Iker hugged him close.
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Oh
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
Pairing: Iker Casillas / Cesc Fabregas
Rating: PG-13 {language, sexual references}
Word Count: 1,879
A/N: This song has been in my head all day and I wanted to write a fic anyway so…I hope you guys like this. The song is Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade.
Cesc clung to the warm body that he was wrapped around just a little bit tighter. Iker was still asleep but he was not, he had not slept that night. He was too busy thinking of what he was going to do—of what Iker had done—to put his mind to bed.
He hung onto Iker because it would be the last time that Cesc would ever be this close to him. It would be the last time Cesc would ever cuddle naked next to Iker and have the keeper’s scent on him. No more warmth or raw passion to be exchanged.
Tears rose in Cesc’s eyes as he thought of what he was going to leave behind. All those looks sent across the practice fields or the pitches of Europe would not happen anymore. Those lazy mornings when Iker would make breakfast and wake Cesc with a kiss would disappear. Not to mention sex every and any where would no longer be on hand.
He had known going into this relationship that Iker was not entirely available. But Cesc had wanted him and pushed, undoubtedly too hard, until Iker had come to him drunk, after David had left him, and had bedded Cesc that night. It wasn’t the firework extravaganza that Cesc had so naively thought it would be. It was rough and quick; Iker tasted like Beckham and he had called out the Englishman’s name when he’d come. Iker had pulled out of Cesc and lay on his back, quickly falling into a drunken sleep. Cesc listened to the snoring from Iker as he silently cried into his pillow.
Cesc had cried many lonely nights when he thought about what his options were when it came to Iker. After that first night, he knew that he could continue to pursue Iker when he knew that Beckham would always have first place in his heart, or he could withdraw and move on. While common sense spoke the latter, his naïve heart did the former.
Iker continued to sleep with Beckham right up until the Englishman left. Cesc had watched his hero fall to pieces as the Englishman seemingly went on with his life unfazed. And Cesc had been there to pick up the shattered bits that had been Iker Casillas.
Cesc noticed with great happiness that Iker had come to rely on him. Iker called him regularly and sent him presents. He came for visits when there wasn’t a call up. He made breakfast, lunch, and dinner and even took Cesc out. He acted like the perfect boyfriend that was seemingly in love with his younger lover.
But Cesc knew that Iker’s heart was not always there for him. He tried certainly, and almost succeeded, but no matter what Cesc did or how hard he tried, Iker still loved the ghost of David Beckham more than Cesc’s flesh and blood.
It was for that terrible reason that Cesc was going to leave him. After spending several years of living in a shadow, Cesc couldn’t handle it anymore. He had already packed his things away and arranged to room for the rest of the night with Fernando and Xabi. In the morning, Iker would wake alone and Cesc would have to re-learn how to function without his hero. For the hour he remained after Iker was asleep, Cesc committed the smells and sounds and the sensations of sleeping right next to Iker.
Cesc swallowed stiffly and then got up slowly. He blinked back his tears as he redressed and grabbed his bag. He had longed so badly to be with Iker for so long that he never imagined it would come to this. And now that it had, he was afraid.
Cesc walked to the door and took one last long look at the sleeping body. Then he opened the door and walked into the hallway, shutting the door softly behind him.
In the weeks after Cesc had left, he had dodged calls from Iker constantly. Each time the phone buzzed in his pocket, Cesc had thought it was one more nail in the coffin of his heart. He had wondered a thousand times if this was how Iker had felt after Beckham had left. Then he would remember the similarities and he would force himself into activity that left him too exhausted to think or do anything but sleep dreamlessly.
It wasn’t until two months after, that Cesc’s laborious routine was interrupted.
He had practiced and then trained for another two hours. He flirted with the line of exhaustion before stumbling into the showers. After he cleaned up, he made his way home. It was dusk when he was almost at the door of his building. A figure leaning against the wall suddenly came to attention. Cesc would have ignored him had not the figure called his name.
Cesc focused on Iker’s familiar build and his heart that had been buried for so long suddenly had a stirring of life in its dusty veins. Iker had not changed save more scruff and a few dark circles under his piercing eyes.
“I called…” He started nervously with his hands in his pockets. He looked nervous and anxious, Cesc decided while looking at him.
“I know.” Cesc opened the door and started to go in.
“Cesc…can I…can I come in?” Iker asked shakily as if he was somewhat amused and scared of having to ask.
Cesc slumped his shoulders and heaved a sigh. “Why not?”
He let Iker let himself in as he continued up to his flat. He was tired, emotionally and physically. The months of not relaxing and eating properly, not living properly, were catching up with him.
When Cesc arrived inside his apartment accompanied by Iker, the younger Spaniard went to eat a few crackers. He was uncomfortably aware of Iker’s eyes on him the whole time that he nibbled on the crackers.
“Are you going to talk to me?” Iker asked finally.
Cesc shook his head and went to get a glass of milk.
“Cesc…” Iker started but stopped. “Cesc, please…”
Cesc spared a glance over his shoulder and saw longing amongst confusion and pain in Iker’s eyes. Cesc swallowed and stood up straight, despite his fatigue.
“What do you want Iker?” Cesc’s voice was heavy with lack of use for such a long time.
Iker stared at his hands for a minute before he looked up. In a voice that broke a thousand angel’s hearts, he spoke. “What did I do? Why won’t you talk to me? I want to know, no, I need to know what I did. Cesc please…I can’t loose you…”
Cesc laughed almost hysterically at that. “Loose me? You never had me Iker!”
He watched the older Spaniard swallow heavily. “W-what do you mean?”
Cesc gaped at him. “Are you serious? Do you know what you did to me? For years Iker I had to deal with being second to a memory. You never wanted me enough to have me Iker!”
The years of frustrations came out and suddenly he was angry. He was angry with Iker, with David Bloody Beckham, and with himself.
“I—I didn’t know you felt that way…” Iker mumbled thickly and looked at his hands again.
The fight suddenly went out of Cesc when he noticed the tension in Iker’s shoulders. He observed him more closely and noticed the way that Iker was struggling for control. It was as if he was trying desperately not to cry.
Cesc felt his heart constrict painfully in a helix of complex rotations. He couldn’t let the man cry but he wasn’t sure he could hug him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He wasn’t sure if it would be.
“Iker…its better this way.” Cesc tried to relieve some of the pain.
“It is?” Iker’s voice was so small that Cesc’s heart twisted again.
Iker looked up and Cesc took a step back at the raw emotion he saw in those eyes. He saw the haunted look choked by guilt and sorrow. He was afraid of that look; he needed to look away. He needed to see anything but that look but he could not tear himself away.
“Cesc, I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t, you have to believe that.” Iker started. Cesc nodded once. He believed that. “When David left, I was a mess.”
“I don’t need to hear this.” Cesc said, forcing himself to turn his back on Iker. He wrapped his arms around himself as he stared at the floor.
“Yes Cesc, you do.” Iker said in a much stronger voice than what he had had in the past few minutes. “I thought I would never be whole again after that Cesc. But then there was this annoying brat that wouldn’t leave me alone.”
Cesc smiled despite himself.
“I didn’t know it at the time,” Iker continued. “But that annoying brat would become the greatest fucking love of my life. I loved everything about him. From his smiles, to his pranks. Hell, I even like the fact that he hogs the bedcovers.”
Cesc heard Iker stand up from where he’d been sitting on the arm of the couch.
“Then one morning he was gone. No note, wouldn’t answer any phone calls. He just disappeared. My heart broke into a million pieces Cesc. It was so much worse than David because I realized that I loved you more than I ever loved him. Then you’d just disappeared. I love…I love, I love you Cesc. I love you so much I can’t stand that you don’t talk to me. I can’t take it! I can’t. I can’t.”
Iker’s voice had started strong and by the end he’d faded into a teary mess. Cesc turned around and everything faded. The pain, the exhaustion. Nothing mattered but Iker and he was hurting.
Cesc took the ten steps necessary to reach Iker and then he took the longest leap and touched him. A single touch was the spark necessary to ignite the dormant fire that had flowed between them for so long.
Iker held onto Cesc as if his life depended on it, and it very much did. Cesc pulled Iker onto the couch and they just sat for minutes, hours, or quite possibly days. Cesc knew nothing mattered so long as Iker’s heart would be sewn back together.
“I’m sorry Cesc, I’m so sorry.” Iker sobbed.
Cesc lifted Iker’s head and as the older Spaniard looked on, Cesc leaned in and kissed away the tears that Iker had cried. After the salty water drops were gone, Cesc brushed his mouth against Iker’s. Iker pulled Cesc on top of him and the two groaned at the contact. It had been far, far too long.
“Bedroom?” Iker growled hoarsely after they had kissed the air from each other’s lungs.
Cesc motioned behind him and Iker picked him up as if he were a feather and carried him. He paused at the door of Cesc’s room and their eyes stared into each other’s. Cesc knew the unspoken question that Iker needed answered.
The Catalan leaned in and kissed him gently before brushing his lips by his ear.
“All is forgiven.” Cesc whispered and Iker hugged him close.
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Oh
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
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