What I Really Meant To Say, 3 of 3
Sep. 7th, 2010 11:35 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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tr_ficTitle: What I Really Meant To Say, 3 of 3
Characters: Michael Owen/OFC
Rating: PG-13
Words: this part: 1,101
A/N: The last part of this fic. Dedicated as always to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
butbyskylight and miss_black91 who are my angels :-) <33333333333
One | Two
Michael slowly drove back to Manchester because he was lost in thought. Try as he might, he couldn’t escape his mind from depressing him. He had risked everything and lost it. He had played with fire and gotten burned. The one question he kept wondering though, was had it been worth it?
Someone might say that the obvious answer was no because he had not gained anything. He had only lost the ounce of self-respect he had had before that trip. He had apologized for the hurt he had caused her after that one fight so long ago but it hadn’t mattered. He had been stupid and young and thought he was invincible. His pride had gotten the better of him and he hadn’t realized how much he was losing by not going back to her to apologize in the first place. He had now, but he had been years too late.
He had left her at her doorstep because he didn’t want to fight anymore. She had turned him away and she was right, he obviously was not wanted by her. He guessed he should have realized that sooner, but he couldn’t help it. He had to try and he had.
For that, he guessed, it had been worth it. Now he knew that there was no way that he was ever going to get her back. Every idea, hope, and prayer he had in the back of his mind to do that had just died. He hurt, but he knew he had this coming. He had been a fool to hope for anything different but now it was reality and not just the idea of what could go wrong.
He got to the city limits and slowed down to a reasonable speed. He was going to call in ill for tomorrow’s training because he knew now that he was going to go straight for the whiskey bottle and not resurface till tomorrow sometime. He was going to drink away his shame and forget that the past few days had ever happened. He didn’t want to be reminded that he was no longer wanted or needed by anyone, least of all Alicia.
When he started down the street by his house, he almost didn’t see the figure standing in the alcove of the doorstep to avoid being hit by the rain. He didn’t notice them until he had parked the car and started for the door himself.
He recognized her immediately and he froze.
“I took the train.” She pulled her jacket closer and she was shivering.
“What—what are you doing here?” He guarded his expression because he didn’t want her to hurt him anymore. “Haven’t you made yourself clear enough in London?”
He watched her shake her head and he shifted further under the shelter of the doorway and therefore closer to her though that wasn’t his intention. He caught a whiff of her perfume and the memories that he had spent bottling up on the road from London cracked the glass and came pouring back through to his mind.
“I don’t think so. Because Mikey, I lied.” She swallowed and waited for him to react, another memory.
He made sure his face was like stone before he answered. “What do you mean you lied?”
She shifted closer to him and he wanted to move away but he couldn’t.
“The truth is that I have missed you every day since I left. Every night I can’t help but think of you and how we were and what we could have had. I hate you as much as I love you, because God Mikey, I do love you. So much and I am a fool for thinking I have a chance now because I—”
Michael cut her off by moving forward and kissing her deeply. He groaned at her taste and pulled her closer. She was as sweet as he remembered and he was reminded why he had never wanted anyone else. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and she pressed against him, seeking his warmth and closeness.
“You still love me?” Mikey asked as he pulled away, hope dancing in his eyes.
She shifted closer and held him tighter. “I never stopped. I couldn’t.”
“But you said…” He started and held her closer when he realized how cold she was.
“I lied because I was still upset. You left me alone and basically told me before you left that if I wanted to marry you I was an idiot.” He saw the anger in her eyes and he held her tighter so she wouldn’t disappear into the rain.
“I was a stupid kid that got a big head. By the time some sense had been knocked into me you had left.” He looked into her eyes honestly. “I have never regretted anything more than saying those things to you and then staying away. If I could change it, I would a hundred times over.”
She held onto him tighter. “I don’t mean to be rude, but it is raining and cold out here…”
Michael kissed her forehead lightly while he pulled the key from his pocket. “Promise you won’t disappear?”
“I promise.” She gave him a small smile and he let her go long enough so that he could open the door. He stepped inside and held the door open for her. “I am sorry for hurting you Michael, I shouldn’t have.”
He shut and locked the door behind them. “I understand why you did it. But…if you lied, and you still love me, does that mean you want to see each other again?”
He forced himself to keep his tone disinterested. He wasn’t going to be hurt so easily again.
“Well, I would understand if this is all too late and you aren’t interested.” He watched her put her arms around herself and he moved over and hugged her tightly.
“Just promise you won’t leave me again.”
Her head tilted up. “Shouldn’t I ask you that?”
He held her tighter and kissed her lightly. “I won’t ever leave you again. I swear it.”
Alicia nodded and moved closer in his arms and held him tighter. “I love you Mikey.”
Michael looked down at her and smiled. Hearing that was so much better than hearing nothing or an I hate you. He bent his head and captured her lips with his. She yielded to him quickly and he thought that he really would call in ill tomorrow but for a completely different reason.
Michael smiled against her lips. It had been worth the trip after all.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dyin' here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby, here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
And, that's what I really meant to say
Characters: Michael Owen/OFC
Rating: PG-13
Words: this part: 1,101
A/N: The last part of this fic. Dedicated as always to
butbyskylight and miss_black91 who are my angels :-) <33333333333One | Two
Michael slowly drove back to Manchester because he was lost in thought. Try as he might, he couldn’t escape his mind from depressing him. He had risked everything and lost it. He had played with fire and gotten burned. The one question he kept wondering though, was had it been worth it?
Someone might say that the obvious answer was no because he had not gained anything. He had only lost the ounce of self-respect he had had before that trip. He had apologized for the hurt he had caused her after that one fight so long ago but it hadn’t mattered. He had been stupid and young and thought he was invincible. His pride had gotten the better of him and he hadn’t realized how much he was losing by not going back to her to apologize in the first place. He had now, but he had been years too late.
He had left her at her doorstep because he didn’t want to fight anymore. She had turned him away and she was right, he obviously was not wanted by her. He guessed he should have realized that sooner, but he couldn’t help it. He had to try and he had.
For that, he guessed, it had been worth it. Now he knew that there was no way that he was ever going to get her back. Every idea, hope, and prayer he had in the back of his mind to do that had just died. He hurt, but he knew he had this coming. He had been a fool to hope for anything different but now it was reality and not just the idea of what could go wrong.
He got to the city limits and slowed down to a reasonable speed. He was going to call in ill for tomorrow’s training because he knew now that he was going to go straight for the whiskey bottle and not resurface till tomorrow sometime. He was going to drink away his shame and forget that the past few days had ever happened. He didn’t want to be reminded that he was no longer wanted or needed by anyone, least of all Alicia.
When he started down the street by his house, he almost didn’t see the figure standing in the alcove of the doorstep to avoid being hit by the rain. He didn’t notice them until he had parked the car and started for the door himself.
He recognized her immediately and he froze.
“I took the train.” She pulled her jacket closer and she was shivering.
“What—what are you doing here?” He guarded his expression because he didn’t want her to hurt him anymore. “Haven’t you made yourself clear enough in London?”
He watched her shake her head and he shifted further under the shelter of the doorway and therefore closer to her though that wasn’t his intention. He caught a whiff of her perfume and the memories that he had spent bottling up on the road from London cracked the glass and came pouring back through to his mind.
“I don’t think so. Because Mikey, I lied.” She swallowed and waited for him to react, another memory.
He made sure his face was like stone before he answered. “What do you mean you lied?”
She shifted closer to him and he wanted to move away but he couldn’t.
“The truth is that I have missed you every day since I left. Every night I can’t help but think of you and how we were and what we could have had. I hate you as much as I love you, because God Mikey, I do love you. So much and I am a fool for thinking I have a chance now because I—”
Michael cut her off by moving forward and kissing her deeply. He groaned at her taste and pulled her closer. She was as sweet as he remembered and he was reminded why he had never wanted anyone else. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and she pressed against him, seeking his warmth and closeness.
“You still love me?” Mikey asked as he pulled away, hope dancing in his eyes.
She shifted closer and held him tighter. “I never stopped. I couldn’t.”
“But you said…” He started and held her closer when he realized how cold she was.
“I lied because I was still upset. You left me alone and basically told me before you left that if I wanted to marry you I was an idiot.” He saw the anger in her eyes and he held her tighter so she wouldn’t disappear into the rain.
“I was a stupid kid that got a big head. By the time some sense had been knocked into me you had left.” He looked into her eyes honestly. “I have never regretted anything more than saying those things to you and then staying away. If I could change it, I would a hundred times over.”
She held onto him tighter. “I don’t mean to be rude, but it is raining and cold out here…”
Michael kissed her forehead lightly while he pulled the key from his pocket. “Promise you won’t disappear?”
“I promise.” She gave him a small smile and he let her go long enough so that he could open the door. He stepped inside and held the door open for her. “I am sorry for hurting you Michael, I shouldn’t have.”
He shut and locked the door behind them. “I understand why you did it. But…if you lied, and you still love me, does that mean you want to see each other again?”
He forced himself to keep his tone disinterested. He wasn’t going to be hurt so easily again.
“Well, I would understand if this is all too late and you aren’t interested.” He watched her put her arms around herself and he moved over and hugged her tightly.
“Just promise you won’t leave me again.”
Her head tilted up. “Shouldn’t I ask you that?”
He held her tighter and kissed her lightly. “I won’t ever leave you again. I swear it.”
Alicia nodded and moved closer in his arms and held him tighter. “I love you Mikey.”
Michael looked down at her and smiled. Hearing that was so much better than hearing nothing or an I hate you. He bent his head and captured her lips with his. She yielded to him quickly and he thought that he really would call in ill tomorrow but for a completely different reason.
Michael smiled against her lips. It had been worth the trip after all.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dyin' here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby, here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
And, that's what I really meant to say
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