What I Really Meant To Say, 2 of 3
Sep. 3rd, 2010 11:00 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
tempered-rose.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
tr_ficTitle: What I Really Meant To Say, Part 2 of 3
Characters: Michael Owen/OFC; Frank Lampard, Jamie Redknapp
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Mikey goes to London…
Words: this part: 1,433
A/N: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
miss_black91 and butbyskylight whom I love both most dearly <333333 Thank you to everybody who read the last part, I really appreciate it :-)
One
And as you walked away, the echo of my words
Cut just like a knife, cut so deep it hurt
I held back the tears
Held onto my pride and watched you go
I wonder if you’ll ever know
Mikey heard Frank inhale in a tired way and he moved over to sit down on his sofa.
“What do you want Owen? They don’t have people in Manchester that can do favors for you?”
Michael heard a soft music in the background and he wondered absently what Lampard was doing. “Where is Alicia? I know you know where she is…”
He heard Frank inhale quickly and heard the surprise in his voice. “Even if I did, and I am not saying that I do, why in the hell would I tell you?”
Michael swallowed and held the phone tighter in his hand. “I saw her the other day at the airport, but I didn’t get a chance to really catch up with her properly. I want to do that but I can’t without knowing where she is—”
“What if she’s moved on?” Frank interrupted and Michael closed his eyes, as that feeling of regret hit him hard once more.
“Where is she Lampard?”
“I’m not going to tell you if you just want to fuck this all up again. You hurt her bad Owen, I won’t help you do it again.” Frank’s tone was stern and Michael couldn’t really blame him for that. He would have been protective of her too if the situation had been reversed.
“I don’t want to fuck it up again; I really want to fix it, but I can’t unless I know where she is.” He hoped that Frank would believe him. “I want to fix it, I really miss her. She was my best friend too you know.”
Frank sighed heavily on the other end of the line. Michael prayed that he had managed to convince him. “If I knew where she was, that still doesn’t change facts. Maybe she has moved on, what would you do then?”
Michael swallowed and hoped that wasn’t the case. “I just want my friend back if she’ll let me. If she wants something more, then I’d be open for that as well.”
“She’s staying at my cousin’s flat in Kensington. Jamie won’t be there though, he’s off doing something for Sky.” Frank said after a moment’s hesitation and Michael felt his heart drop.
“Are they…?”
“I guess you’ll have to find out yourself when you talk to her. Have you got something to write the address down on?”
Frank relayed the address to him and Michael thanked him before he hung up. He decided that he would travel to London tomorrow and see her. He just hoped that she wouldn’t turn him away at the door.
Alicia looked out the window and watched a few stray cars pass by on the street below as she sipped her tea. It wasn’t raining yet, but it was overcast and she wondered how long it would take before it did start to drizzle. She saw a car stop on the street below and she turned away as the door opened and sighed.
It was really lonely around here when Jamie went away.
They weren’t “together”, but he had been a very good friend to her and an even more awesome roommate. He had kept her going when she thought she didn’t have a reason to stay anymore. He let her snuggle with him on the sofa to watch a film if she wanted, or even join him in bed and he held her through the longer nights. He was a sweet man and he was kind, something that she really liked about him.
Some of her friends, Frank especially, asked why she and he never really hooked up and got together. She didn’t really have an answer that she could tell them and refused to mention the name Michael Owen ever again.
She sighed. Michael Owen. Mikey.
Why did she still have to love him so much? Why couldn’t she love what was good for her? Why couldn’t she love Jamie? Jamie was the guy that put her ahead of his career. Jamie was the one that didn’t fight with her over stupid things. Jamie was the one that held her when she cried and did special things for her when she was even a little down. When he was around, she almost felt whole and normal again, as if she were special enough to be loved by such an awesome guy.
A knock on the door made her look up from where she’d been staring at a lonely rose in a vase, the last of the ones Jamie had gotten her the last time they had gone walking down the high street. She stood up from her comfortable chaise lounge and started for the door. She shifted her tea in one hand and reached for the door with the other and pulled it open.
“Yes?” She called before looking at the person standing in the hallway.
It took everything she had not to drop the teacup onto the floor.
“What are you doing here?” She asked as her skin started to pale.
“I needed to see you,” Michael started and then shifted his weight to the other foot, a gesture she remembered he did when he was nervous or anxious.
“Haven’t you done enough?” She asked, years of bitterness at being passed over rose faster than the deep love she still had for him.
“Can I come in? I don’t think you want this conversation on your doorstep…” He asked but she shook her head. This was her safe place, her place with Jamie. Michael Owen wasn’t going to ruin that for her as well.
“No, you can’t. You won’t be here long enough anyway.” She shifted the teacup again as her grip on it began to tighten. She didn’t want him here; what was he even doing here anyway? And all the way from Manchester too?
Alicia watched him swallow before he spoke. “I know I hurt you by doing what I did, I’m sorry. I needed some time but by the time I got back around to it, you had already gone. I didn’t—”
“I wasn’t going to wait forever, you knew that.” She interrupted and shook her head.
“I’m sorry for making you wait. I wanted to tell you a hundred times but you were gone. You left without a word of where you were going or for how long. You just disappeared.”
She saw the hurt in his eyes and felt her tears rising. She willed them away.
“You came to apologize? Fine, you apologized. Now go home where you’re wanted. I’m sure your girlfriend misses you.” Alicia felt another part of her dying and she just wanted him gone so that she could go to her room and cry and never stop crying till Jamie came home and would hold her and tell her that it would be okay. It would be a lie, but he would say it anyway, just like he always did.
Michael shook his head sadly. His eyes were downcast and the spark that had been there had disappeared completely. Hurt reflected in them but she didn’t want to notice that. “There hasn’t been anybody since you, no matter what the papers tried to say. But I guess you’ve moved on so you wouldn’t care about that. I’ll just go and I’m sorry for what happened back then and I’m sorry for hurting you now. I’m sorry Alicia, you won’t ever realize how much.”
She opened her mouth to speak but he just gave her a sad shake of his head before he turned and started down the hallway. She watched him go and felt herself dying even more. He was sorry and he had said there wasn’t anyone else. Why did she find herself believing him? He had hurt her badly, that couldn’t just be made okay with an apology.
Her hands were shaking and she numbly shut the door and sank down to the floor. She set the chattering teacup on the floor and pulled her knees to her chest while the tears started to fall once again down her cheeks.
She had messed up; they both had.
She now realized that she wasn’t fine at all and the lie she had believed about Jamie being able to make things better one day was just that, a lie. As sweet a guy as Jamie was, he never was going to make her completely whole again.
Alicia put her head back against the door and closed her eyes while the tears slid down her cheeks.
Only one person could make her feel like that… And he had just left.
Characters: Michael Owen/OFC; Frank Lampard, Jamie Redknapp
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Mikey goes to London…
Words: this part: 1,433
A/N: For
miss_black91 and butbyskylight whom I love both most dearly <333333 Thank you to everybody who read the last part, I really appreciate it :-)One
And as you walked away, the echo of my words
Cut just like a knife, cut so deep it hurt
I held back the tears
Held onto my pride and watched you go
I wonder if you’ll ever know
Mikey heard Frank inhale in a tired way and he moved over to sit down on his sofa.
“What do you want Owen? They don’t have people in Manchester that can do favors for you?”
Michael heard a soft music in the background and he wondered absently what Lampard was doing. “Where is Alicia? I know you know where she is…”
He heard Frank inhale quickly and heard the surprise in his voice. “Even if I did, and I am not saying that I do, why in the hell would I tell you?”
Michael swallowed and held the phone tighter in his hand. “I saw her the other day at the airport, but I didn’t get a chance to really catch up with her properly. I want to do that but I can’t without knowing where she is—”
“What if she’s moved on?” Frank interrupted and Michael closed his eyes, as that feeling of regret hit him hard once more.
“Where is she Lampard?”
“I’m not going to tell you if you just want to fuck this all up again. You hurt her bad Owen, I won’t help you do it again.” Frank’s tone was stern and Michael couldn’t really blame him for that. He would have been protective of her too if the situation had been reversed.
“I don’t want to fuck it up again; I really want to fix it, but I can’t unless I know where she is.” He hoped that Frank would believe him. “I want to fix it, I really miss her. She was my best friend too you know.”
Frank sighed heavily on the other end of the line. Michael prayed that he had managed to convince him. “If I knew where she was, that still doesn’t change facts. Maybe she has moved on, what would you do then?”
Michael swallowed and hoped that wasn’t the case. “I just want my friend back if she’ll let me. If she wants something more, then I’d be open for that as well.”
“She’s staying at my cousin’s flat in Kensington. Jamie won’t be there though, he’s off doing something for Sky.” Frank said after a moment’s hesitation and Michael felt his heart drop.
“Are they…?”
“I guess you’ll have to find out yourself when you talk to her. Have you got something to write the address down on?”
Frank relayed the address to him and Michael thanked him before he hung up. He decided that he would travel to London tomorrow and see her. He just hoped that she wouldn’t turn him away at the door.
Alicia looked out the window and watched a few stray cars pass by on the street below as she sipped her tea. It wasn’t raining yet, but it was overcast and she wondered how long it would take before it did start to drizzle. She saw a car stop on the street below and she turned away as the door opened and sighed.
It was really lonely around here when Jamie went away.
They weren’t “together”, but he had been a very good friend to her and an even more awesome roommate. He had kept her going when she thought she didn’t have a reason to stay anymore. He let her snuggle with him on the sofa to watch a film if she wanted, or even join him in bed and he held her through the longer nights. He was a sweet man and he was kind, something that she really liked about him.
Some of her friends, Frank especially, asked why she and he never really hooked up and got together. She didn’t really have an answer that she could tell them and refused to mention the name Michael Owen ever again.
She sighed. Michael Owen. Mikey.
Why did she still have to love him so much? Why couldn’t she love what was good for her? Why couldn’t she love Jamie? Jamie was the guy that put her ahead of his career. Jamie was the one that didn’t fight with her over stupid things. Jamie was the one that held her when she cried and did special things for her when she was even a little down. When he was around, she almost felt whole and normal again, as if she were special enough to be loved by such an awesome guy.
A knock on the door made her look up from where she’d been staring at a lonely rose in a vase, the last of the ones Jamie had gotten her the last time they had gone walking down the high street. She stood up from her comfortable chaise lounge and started for the door. She shifted her tea in one hand and reached for the door with the other and pulled it open.
“Yes?” She called before looking at the person standing in the hallway.
It took everything she had not to drop the teacup onto the floor.
“What are you doing here?” She asked as her skin started to pale.
“I needed to see you,” Michael started and then shifted his weight to the other foot, a gesture she remembered he did when he was nervous or anxious.
“Haven’t you done enough?” She asked, years of bitterness at being passed over rose faster than the deep love she still had for him.
“Can I come in? I don’t think you want this conversation on your doorstep…” He asked but she shook her head. This was her safe place, her place with Jamie. Michael Owen wasn’t going to ruin that for her as well.
“No, you can’t. You won’t be here long enough anyway.” She shifted the teacup again as her grip on it began to tighten. She didn’t want him here; what was he even doing here anyway? And all the way from Manchester too?
Alicia watched him swallow before he spoke. “I know I hurt you by doing what I did, I’m sorry. I needed some time but by the time I got back around to it, you had already gone. I didn’t—”
“I wasn’t going to wait forever, you knew that.” She interrupted and shook her head.
“I’m sorry for making you wait. I wanted to tell you a hundred times but you were gone. You left without a word of where you were going or for how long. You just disappeared.”
She saw the hurt in his eyes and felt her tears rising. She willed them away.
“You came to apologize? Fine, you apologized. Now go home where you’re wanted. I’m sure your girlfriend misses you.” Alicia felt another part of her dying and she just wanted him gone so that she could go to her room and cry and never stop crying till Jamie came home and would hold her and tell her that it would be okay. It would be a lie, but he would say it anyway, just like he always did.
Michael shook his head sadly. His eyes were downcast and the spark that had been there had disappeared completely. Hurt reflected in them but she didn’t want to notice that. “There hasn’t been anybody since you, no matter what the papers tried to say. But I guess you’ve moved on so you wouldn’t care about that. I’ll just go and I’m sorry for what happened back then and I’m sorry for hurting you now. I’m sorry Alicia, you won’t ever realize how much.”
She opened her mouth to speak but he just gave her a sad shake of his head before he turned and started down the hallway. She watched him go and felt herself dying even more. He was sorry and he had said there wasn’t anyone else. Why did she find herself believing him? He had hurt her badly, that couldn’t just be made okay with an apology.
Her hands were shaking and she numbly shut the door and sank down to the floor. She set the chattering teacup on the floor and pulled her knees to her chest while the tears started to fall once again down her cheeks.
She had messed up; they both had.
She now realized that she wasn’t fine at all and the lie she had believed about Jamie being able to make things better one day was just that, a lie. As sweet a guy as Jamie was, he never was going to make her completely whole again.
Alicia put her head back against the door and closed her eyes while the tears slid down her cheeks.
Only one person could make her feel like that… And he had just left.
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